ashohsarus

im laying in the tub thinking about you thinking of how you have treated me i cannot breathe i sink down farther getting sucked in like it was a whirlpool i taste the soap as i go down farther i cannot breathe i think of the hate in your voice im choking on the water i cannot breathe i think about my love for you i cannot breathe i almost drown i see your face i cannot breathe you grab my hand you say your sorry you kiss my face i cannot breathe you wrap me in a towel and hold me tight you whisper in my ear you love me i can breathe again

you tell me you love me you hurt me you tore my heart out and you tell me you love me? how dare you say that how dare you get my hopes up but i know you dont love me if you did i wouldnt be hurt ive missed you so much but i cant tell you i cant tell anyone i hate to admit it to myself it hurts thinking about how much i care for you and you dont even have the same feelings i tried to get you to see i love you but you push me away and call me friend you were my world you saved me from my past ive missed you so much you literally have no idea then all of a sudden im your "best friend"? how dare you pull me in again i love

you tell me you love me you push me down you tell me you love me you yell in my ear you tell me you love me you take off my clothes you tell me you love me you hurt, hurt, hurt me you tell me you love me you zip up your pants you tell me you love me you laugh in my face you tell me you love me you walk away you tell me you love me you leave me crying you tell me you love me you love hurting me you dont love me

my nerves are going crazy. im regretting what ive said. im sorry for my thoughts and words. ill keep them in my head.

i find myself thinking about the days before it all went bad. i think about the smiles and laughter. i think about butterflies and happiness. i think about the pain and tears. i think about the sleepless nights and all these years. i find myself thinking about the days before it all went bad. its painful to see your face i hear my heart shatter all over again. im seeing stars. i am numb. it hurts knowing your not there for me. i can see you love youself more than anything. im afraid of you. terrified to look in your eyes. im scared youll pull me in like a black hole and make me love you again. then leave me like im nothing.